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As I started in personal development many years ago, I felt bad a lot. A good portion of it was, so I thought, because I didn’t do the thing i “knew” I should do. I was sure of that because as soon as I finally started doing it, often after a long time of feeling terrible, I felt okay. So I’ve been confronted with three concluding thoughts.

  1. I feel bad when I’ve not done the thing I “knew” I should do. I felt good when I did. Which leads to…
  2. Why don’t I do the thing I “knew” I should do more often so that I felt happy all the time and be amazingly productive as a side effect? This leads to…
  3. I am stupid for making life harder than it should be. I understand the system, but just don’t do the “right” things to be successful and happy. I am an idiot and hurting myself. This leads to…
  4. … The Big Solution: Not being an idiot anymore by using all the necessary tools to force my self to do the things I think I would do if I wouldn’t be an idiot. Emotionally I mostly make myself feel really horrible in the times I’m not doing the things “I know I should do”. And mentally I don’t allow myself feeling any doubt about the “fact” that I really know there is the thing I really “should do”.

So, sometimes my “bis solution” works and sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t, I felt even worse not being able to do it consistently.

The inconsistency resulted from me not seeing that my premises might not be accurate and be making false conclusions from observations. Doing the things I “knew” I should do and feeling good were two phenomena that appeared at the same time. That does not mean one is causing another.

Same thing with feeling bad and not doing the thing I “knew” I should do.

Now it seems another correlation had a far greater influence on my well being:

Fighting against reality or not fighting against reality.

So let’s have a look again:

  1. As I was finally doing “the thing”, it was finally okay for me how things were.
  2. As I was not doing it, I thought I “should” do it. Thinking the world should be other than it is right now, hurts. That’s why I felt bad.

Another thought would pop up if you would tell me that in the past: But what if had not pressured myself and felt bad, I may have never start started the thing at all!

I want to leave you with a few final thoughts regarding that:

  1. Is that true? Can you really know if that is true?
  2. If it is true – does it has a greater effect on how you are seeing yourself or how you see “the thing”? Do you try to adapt yourself to the thing you think you should do or the things you do to who you really are?
  3. Do you really want to give away all your power to the world. Do you want to stay in your “rules” for feeling good and hustling to change the world to allow yourself to feel good or do you want to change the rules?

 

Michael

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